


Who Will Love Me?

by Lotheindra



Series: Sterek Moments [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Could be triggering, Derek Comforts Stiles, Derek shakes some sense into Stiles, F/M, M/M, Mentioned Lydia Martin, Mentioned Malia Tate, Minor Stiles Stilinski/Malia Tate, Stiles Stilinski Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 10:20:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3892747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lotheindra/pseuds/Lotheindra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a nasty breakup with Malia, Stiles decides to go drink alone. He wants out, of all of it, but someone comes to save him from himself, an unexpected someone in the form of a very large and grumpy sour wolf.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Will Love Me?

Stiles was piss drunk. If he was honest with himself he wasn't drinking to drown out the feelings of failure due to another torn apart relationship, he was drinking because even though it was his first time through a breakup he felt like he had been here many times before. He knew that he and Malia weren’t right for each other but that hadn't stopped him from trying, he knew that he was in love with someone who could never love him back but that didn't stop him from trying, hell he knew he was in love with someone emotionally constipated and that someone was most definitely not Malia. But he had still tried and he had still failed so here he was now drinking trying to forget. Maybe this time he would actually succeed at something he tried.

Stiles took another sip from the half empty whisky bottle, it had been full when the night had started but Stiles had quickly fixed that, he quickly fixed it as fast as he quickly destroyed everything around him. Stiles was in his deepest pit of self loathing at the moment remembering all the times he had screwed up in his life while he ignored voices of reason just a finger touch away. He leaned back against the rock he was currently sat in front of the took in the lights of the city below. Stiles loved this spot, this had been the spot he and his mother had gone to to star gaze and he had never taken anyone here, not even Scott. 

Speak of the devil, Stiles thought as he looked down at his phone screen which had been steadily illuminating throughout the past few hours, the bastard was calling now. Stiles loved Scott, he really did, but all he wanted to do was disappear into the night. He wanted to feel like nothing, he wanted to feel like there was nothing holding him down, he wanted to float above the city and fall into the night sky and get lost among the stars and the moon, Stiles wanted a lot of things but most of all Stiles just wanted to feel like nothing because he was nothing. His phone screen lit up once again and in a moment of anger Stiles decided to answer it.

“Leave me alone Scott.” Stiles growled.

“Stiles!” Scott breathed relieved to hear his friend’s voice. “Where are you buddy?”

“I'm nowhere Scott.” Stiles laughed, mostly at how well that sentence fitted with his earlier thoughts.

“This isn't funny Stiles.” Scott said his voice rising slightly with panic. “We’re all really worried about you!”

“Oh I bet.” Stiles said sarcastically. “I bet you're all really worried.” Stiles took another swig from the whisky bottle and grimaced at the bitter and fiery taste. “In fact I bet you've all been going out of your minds with worry.” Stiles snapped. He was done with the bullshit, he was done with the pack mentality, he was done with them. How they acted like they needed him when he knew they didn’t. Stiles knew he was useless, Stiles knew he was the weakest link, and Stiles hated them all for trying to ignore the facts in front of their faces. Stiles was useless.

“Stiles.” Scott said making his voice softer trying to comfort his almost hysterical friend. “We all are worried about you Stiles. We all love you.”

“Stop fucking around Scott!” Stiles shouted. He had had enough of the lies. He knew they didn't need him and he knew that they knew it, it had only taken a fight with Malia for the truth to come out. She had revealed to him what the others thought of him and she revealed how truly unwanted he was. “I know you guys find me a burden. You don't have to pretend anymore Scott! I'm a big boy. Malia told me how you guys really feel about having a pathetic weak human around. Why don't you just fuck off and leave me alone!” Stiles was about to hang up when a new voice cut into the conversation.

“Stiles.” Derek’s gruff and low voice grunted. “Stiles you listen to me right now.” Stiles had never heard Derek sound so angry before and the guy had threatened to rip his throat out with his teeth. “Stiles you are not weak and you are not useless. Whatever Malia told you was a lie and in anger. We don't think you're a burden, Stiles you are the smartest member of the team - well you're tied with Lydia - but you're amazing Stiles.”

Stiles couldn't take listening to any more. “Fuck you.” He said while tears streamed down his face. “Fuck you all.” He cried and curled in on himself. “I hate you all.” He managed to get out through his broken sobs.

“Stiles…” Derek tried to reason.

“No fuck you all!” Stiles shouted his anger returning. “I hate you most of all Derek! You and all your fucking perfection! I hate how you think you're always right, I hate how you think you know everything, I hate you so fucking much!” Stiles didn't care the damage he was causing now, he wanted them to hurt just like he was hurting and he wanted to push them as far away as possible.

“Stiles.” Derek tried again, “I know you're lying.”

Stiles heart almost stopped. There was no way Derek could know he was lying. He was always so careful, careful enough that no one had noticed. No one had noticed his prolonged glances, his internal smiles when Derek tried to be funny, his one-sided love. “I'm not lying.” Stiles tried to say convincingly, though for him or the others he did not know. After so long of hiding and pretending Stiles didn't know what was real anymore.

“Stiles I'm coming to find you.” Derek said with that note of finality that made Stiles sure he couldn't convince him otherwise. “I'm coming to get you Stiles.” And with that the line went dead.

Stiles let the phone fall out of the hand while he stared blankly at the city lights. He didn't want to be found but he did. God did he want Derek to show up and take all the pain away but Stiles wasn't certain he could. Stiles wasn't certain anyone could and he didn't want to take the risk again. Stiles stood up and walked slowly to the cliff edge and looked over. For a moment he had a feeling of vertigo before a overwhelming calm swept over him. If he pretended he could fly he could jump. If he could jump he could make everything go away, he wouldn't have to worry anymore, he could be at peace. It would only take a step and then everything would go away. It would be so…

“Stiles.” Derek's voice cut through his thoughts. “Stiles take a step back.”

Stiles didn't bother looking behind him. He didn't want to see the earnest look on Derek's face at that moment. It would only make things harder, he would only make this harder. Stiles leaned a little farther over the cliff to get a better view of the fall below.

“Stiles.” Derek tried again. “Stiles don't do this. It gets better.” 

Stiles surprised himself by letting out a bark of harsh laughter. “It gets better.” He laughed. “It gets better.” Stiles couldn't control himself anymore. He spun around to face Derek only to meet confused and slightly fearful eyes. “When does it get better Derek?” Stiles continued. “When does life get fucking better? I've been waiting for years for it to get better and guess what! It fucking hasn’t! Life doesn't get better! Life gets slightly less worse but never better! There's no such thing as better, there's no such thing. There's only hurt, pain, devastation, lies, death, but there’s no better. So do you know what Derek? You can take better and you can shove it up your ass because there's no such thing.” Stiles was panting as he finished. “How will it get better?” He asked suddenly vulnerable. “How?” Stiles asked letting more tears fall. “How can my life ever get better Derek? I've always fucked up, I'm fucked up Derek.” Stiles looked down at the ground a broken expression making it's way onto his face. “Who will love me?” He whispered. “Who could love me?” Stiles looked back up into Derek's eyes. “It's too late for me.” Stiles said. “It’s…” 

Before Stiles knows what's happening he's on the ground, pinned by a very angry looking Derek.  
“You listen to me right now Stiles.” Derek growls from atop of him. “It's not too late for you.” Derek says. “It will never be too late for you because you are Stiles Stilinski. You are the amazingly annoying sarcastic human who can defeat magical supernatural creatures without breaking a sweat. You are the spark of the group and that also means you are the heart. Stiles without you we are nothing, without you I am nothing. I know it sounds corny but dammit Stiles it's true. You are the only thing keeping us all together and I’ll be dammed if you ever think any less of yourself ever again. You Stiles Stilinski are one of a kind and I love you.”

Stiles just stared up at Derek shocked. He didn't know what to say. Derek Hale had just confessed to loving him. Derek Hale, the man Stiles had loved since he had first set eyes on him had said he loved him. “I…” Stiles tried to get something out. Anything out but he couldn’t. He was frozen.

“Come on.” Derek said while picking Stiles up. “It's too cold outside to cry.”

Stiles let Derek carry him back home bridal style. Stiles let Derek wipe his tear stained cheeks with a damp warm cloth. Stiles let Derek take care of him and continue to take care of him. Stiles let himself realize that Derek was right, things did get better and he could be loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Based lightly off of Jerome Holloway's song Who Will Love Me. This song made an appearance in Teen Wolf 4x08.  
> Also this is set when Stiles is 18 (so end of or after high school) so Stiles isn't underage.


End file.
